The Rise and Fall of the Orange People

Nothing has captured my fascination as much as the documentary series Geordie Shore and the rise of an entire orange skinned race..

Each Tuesday my pale skinned family crowd around to learn more about these mysterious orange people and their ways.

I once thought that only people on the Atlantic coast of New Jersey could get their skin that orange but apparently those from the North of England also have easy access to industrial strength tanning products.
Another thing I have learnt from this fascinating doco is that no matter the colour of your skin there is a fine line between having great pecs and having man boobs. And that line is crossed when you display your man cleavage by wearing excessively low scoop neck t-shirts.

I am also transfixed by the women’s ability to wear minimal amounts of clothing, multiple pairs of eyelashes and some of the highest transgender shoes I have ever seen even. I also find it very touching how they stand together like dominoes so that if one does fall she is cushioned by a mass of silicon.

Perhaps by employing this cunning technique they will survive and outlast us all.

Don't Burst my Bubble

Although I always turn my nose up at camping, secretly I love it, well for the first 3 days at least. After that I invariably get bored, drink too much and wake up with a stonking hangover in a tent that feels like an oven.

When the B was small a large group of us would take our kids away every NYs to a friend’s private beach. And by private I mean that access was only possible by a death defying ride down a sheer cliff on the farm bikes.

We did however have a cabin for cooking, a power supply and a shower. Again by power supply I mean a diesel powered generator, which was only used at night for lighting the cabin where we all gathered to take turns charging up our phs and laptops. The shower was a triumph of womanly ingenuity as one day when the guys were out fishing we constructed it out of bits of wood corrugated iron sheeting and a solar shower bag hung off the side of the cabin.

But the sight of 5 kids in a giant claw footed bath in the middle of a paddock with the beach behind them is so romantic it somehow makes you forget that you spent the previous day digging a new long drop!

The best part about teens disowning you is that you no longer have to spout clap trap about getting back to basics and next time I go camping it better be in a bubble tent in France otherwise I will throw a bigger tantrum than a 3yo who’s been forced to give up the decaying cow bones they just found in the creek.

Wednesdays Wisdom

Pushing It

By now you probably know my motto "throw a suit jacket over it and voila its work wear". So I was particularly impressed by a recent post on www.stylemint.com where they really pushed the boat out.

Dress-up track pants with a white collar blouse and a pair of black heels.(Image Cred: Northern Light)

I adhere to the Karlism 'Sweatpants are a sign of defeat. You lost control of your life so you bought some sweatpants.' (Karl Lagerfeld) but these are not exactly your stock standard grey marle lie on the couch eating chocolate sweats. I think these could pass as pants with that pattern, cut and detailing.

I'd be fine wearing these as everyone knows my aversion to exercise, but if you spend a lot of time at the gym people might think you only got half changed after your workout.

Too Cool to Lose

I would never lose my keys if they were this cool! and I could even get the most infamous key loser, namely my teen B, to wear these around her neck. Please won't someone open a Stat Key in NZ.

Stand and Deliver

My faves from Sass and Bide's Stand and Deliver Lookbook. The gloriously spanky Bright Revolution sequined jacket, the oversized Give Back jumper dress, the very lady like Wonderlust dress and the naughty but nice Seven Wonders dress. I think I may have to rob a bank so I can get them all.

Wednesdays Wisdom

Another DIY Project

Not as in around the house Oh No! I am not a builder flashing my builders crack.

I'm going to make a Jil Sander inspired veiled beanie, this winter, to keep my head warm. All you need is a beanie (steal one from your kids or the neighbours kids) and some french net.

Think how versatile it will be .... in the hood, at a funeral, at a funeral in the hood. It's so crazy you gotta love it.

Anna (style maniac) Dello Russo

Nana's Sparklers

Big fan of vintage paste jewellery (no surprises there - if it sparkles I luv it). Dying to get my hands on some of these colourful variations from Love Obsessed which are now available on www.etsy.com may even have a go at breathing new life into some of the pieces I already have.

I am not Alone

Clearly I am not alone in my habit of wearing my hair tie around my wrist. I always set out with the best intentions having straightened and styled my hair to within an inch of its life then as soon as it gets hot up it goes into a pony.

Ages ago I found some cream and white striped ones that resembled bracelets, but the same burglar that steals socks must also steal hair ties because they disappeared. Today I found these hair tie bracelets on goodyhair.co.uk so now I won't look like such a spaz.

Who knew

By using the scooped out pulp of a lemon in your gin and tonic you are creating the perfect environment for a new seedling or cutting. You can't save the earth single handedly so make sure you invite your girlfriends around to help out.

I'm Wiser Today

My words of wisdom for yesterday should have been DO NOT TEXT WHILE WALKING DOWN STAIRS.

This will only result in a nasty fall which will likewise result in having to wear flats all week cause your foots swollen like a sausage!  Although it gives me a good excuse to use my favourite childhood painting 'Nude Descending a Staircase' by Marcel Duchamp - God I was a peculiar child!  And please note I was fully clothed during my decent.

Wednesdays Wisdom

Add a little sparkle

I can't get enough of sparkles and this is a gorgeous collection. I love how they've used them as a display in the room too. Why hide your light under a bushell or your sparkles at the back of the wardrobe. If I owned number 3 I'd be donning a pair of black cigratte pants and applying my "throw a suit jacket over it and its workwear" principal so I could wear it everyday.

Another option for work would be nude legs, black wedges or platfom heels and a thin black waist belt. It's pure fripery so for work it needs a bit of grounding, but steer clear of opaque tights or you'll look like a flapper.

The Bogof Twins

For those of you who don't work in retail Bogof is short for "buy one get one free" and can also be disguised as a "2for" like these cute and comfy boots I scored on the weekend. I like to share my 2fors with my friends, so after spotting these gorgeous boots 2for$40 on Saturday I dragged Lisa along with me to get a pair each on Sunday.

We both have the same taste but not the same style. We have quite a few of the same pieces but we wear them totally differently. If the idea of someone turning up in the exact same outfit freaks you out you need to put your focus into your styling, layering and accessorising.

And it pays to remember that you are just as likely to run into your twin in a designer dress as you are in a chain store one.

Does my bum look big in this

Yes cause you've got a big bum!

If I were you I'd be making the most of the junk in your trunk by wearing skinny jeans, if you have an arse like a peach show it off, one day it will be more like a prune.

I'd be taking advantage of the natural optical illusion a round rump gives of making your waist look teeny weeny by wearing cinched in belts and cropped jackets.

High heels, a fitted pencil skirt with kick pleats and your practically a pin up model, and don't foget to pop that hip like a Kardashian.

Black is the new Black ....

Not pink, not green, not orange and certainly not lime. Nothing will replace black. There's a reason people don't have an array of LPD (little purple dresses) and no one has yellow tie functions. Colour is great but black is the safety net, and everyone takes a tumble off the fashion trapise now and then.

On fat days I don't slip into a tent dress I slip into a slinky little black number. On especially officious work days I don't don a pastel jacket I strut out in a black suit, and for formal occasions I don't put on a peach number reminiscent of a bridesmaids frock I rock out in a full length black gown.

Dress it up, dress it down, use it as your base, it will never let you down, black is still the only black and if I'm wrong someone should let probably let the worlds most stylish woman, Daphne Guinness, know.

Channelling National Velvet

In this crisp autumn weather I'm still obsessing over all things equestrian, austere and gracious. I'm lusting for a flat riding boot that fits my larger calves and teeny weeny ankles. A blue black velvet dressage style jacket and some vintage bling necklaces with the slight tarnished look. I've even taken to wearing my hair in a high pony (tehehe pony I just got that!) and flicking it around like a horses tail.

I'm hoping dressing up elegantly might combat how lousy I'm feeling from this terrible head cold.

Wednesdays Wisdom

Fit for a McQueen

A queen of bling. Everthing about this is right, gold, diamonds, stripes and neutrals. I'm still on the hunt for the perfect sunggly jumper like this moss stitch one I didn't have any luck last week, I may have to pull out the knitting needles.

Coco's Camelias

Not a big brooch wearer but these new floral brooches from Chanel's would be perfect worn on the shoulder of a suit jacket or even on a hat. I like these more sombre ones (I'm feeling quite funeral/equestrian esque this week) but they also come in more cheerful coloured versions.

I Love Lucy

I've gone all 50s. I  have the bangs and the lashes and now I'm wearing the bandanas from www.supre.co.nz which are cunningly wired so they keep shape and stay on your head. This week I even bought this frock from www.cue.com.au mine's black and the best bit is the gynormous pockets hidden under the full skirt. The whole look makes me want to bake and clean.

Knocking knees

Sitting at my desk freezing my arse off, I swear my knees are knocking and its still February WTF? Just makes me want to rush out and buy knitwear. In fact that's what I'm going to do at lunchtime. I may also indulge another of my secret fetishes patterned socks. They are a cheeky secret I keep in my boots in winter. It's just like wearing really glam underwear, no one else knows but it makes you smile.